Georgia

I cannot call you again to hear from you what is going on at home,
without my heart breaking.
I cannot read the news again without mentally spiralling 
to a couple months prior
when I was protesting in the streets 
in solidarity for our neighbour.
I cannot go back to wondering what if I call you, 
and you won’t be able to answer me later,
wondering if I’ll ever hear your voice again.
No, I cannot.
I cannot go back to thinking about this 
so much that I allow it to eat me up.

I cannot see those images and then feel like crying 
again and again, day and night, 
night and day. 
How often can you cry about something?
There sure must be a limit.
I want this pain in my chest to go away.
I cannot open my eyes, 
feeling like I need a hug, 
thinking about home, 
only to close my eyes, 
feeling like a need a hug 
when thinking about home.
I cannot feel angry, sad, and helpless 
all the time because of this mess,
I catch myself thinking, "I wish it would hurt me less.
I cannot let this affect my whole mood."

© Elena Natroshvili

IG: 16minutepoetry